Growing a Reflective Child Series: Grieving

My experience with being a behavior teacher this year has shown me that children experience grief, and they experience it even when a person has not died. Children experience grief when someone one 'leaves' them. They grieve when their parents get a divorce and one parent moves away. Children grieve if a sibling, or parent goes to prison. Children grieve if a close friend or cousin move very far away. The point I a making is children grieve and their grief does not have to be associated with death. And because they grieve they go through the five Step grieving process which is:

1. Denial- They will be back. They are only gone for a little while. It will back to the way it was before

2. Anger- Cue the throwing chairs and the pushing other students or violence towards siblings

3. Bargaining- If I am good then ____ will come back. (this stage does not last very long with most children)

4. Depression- Crying with no clear reason, unwillingness to play with others, difficulty sleeping

5. Acceptance- The place many children have a difficult time getting to.

Many children get caught somewhere in steps 2 or 4. That results is a child that is labeled "difficult to deal with" it can also be the cause of explosions (and of course they happen right in the middle of literacy class). This child may be having a hard time reaching step 5. That's where we, the caring adults in their lives, come in. This takes planning, and in some cases professional support. Here  is a snap shot of my 3 week grieving lesson cycle (yes I teach students how to grieve... It's just as important as learning subtraction).

Week 1- Identifying grieving: Students will identify when others are experiencing grief and then be able to recognize it in themselves. They will be able to identify grief as being very sad because you miss someone that has moved far away or someone who has died.

Week 2- Identify each stage of grieving in an age appropriate way. Students will be able to recognize the stages in others and then in themselves through hands on activities.

Week 3- identify strategies that will help them accept what has happen and be happy in spite of what has happened. This week is often followed up with mini lessons through out the following weeks on  participating in activities that will help them reach acceptance. Sometimes this includes a journaling time. or creating a video of something they would like to say to the person and then watching it themselves, poetry is also a great outlet for children to get to acceptance.

This must be done during times when the child is not melting down. Try morning meeting, closing circle, or have a special lunch bunch time. It is important to note that some children will need more than what you can give them and you will need to seek out professional support for them and someone who can give you more strategies to use with them.By teaching children how to grieve  you are growing a reflective child and helping children develop a skill they need for life.